you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
