After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize