I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just invented taco cereal.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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