this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Mom said you looked used
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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