So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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