don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
