The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
