taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
