Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
