where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
