So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
