Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The uberlube is also flammable
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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