She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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