If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
