Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
