just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
