you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
