I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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