Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
