new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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