I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
