This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
