you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
