Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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