I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
