I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
