I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
