Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
