Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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