awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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