hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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