She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
