Sry I called you an 8
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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