my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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