I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
