Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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