thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
