I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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