will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
