So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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