Don't make out with my wife yet
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
