he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
