the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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