singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
