smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't deserve a penis
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
