I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
