I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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