I puked a lego.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
