My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Terrible idea I love it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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