my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
