So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
