dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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