I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
