He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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