You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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