i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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