do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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