I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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