how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize