wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
