Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
