Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize