You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
