i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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