If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
