shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
