My nipple is on Facebook.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize