We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize