I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
