so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
