see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize